Is this thing still on? Wow, another hiatus. And what do I have to show for it? Two busy little boys, an octopus mama, germs come, germs gone, an amazing husband and father to the little ones. Work. Always feeling one step–no, two steps, behind. I want to make a change, but I don’ t know if I mean in the career sense or if I mean being completely stay at home (which is not an option at this point), but I know the fluffy resolutions so many make at the start of the calendar year are not enough of a push for me, but I’m using and doing what I can. And when is it enough to push oneself? When it hurts? When it’s uncomfortable? When it’s not going to move anywhere unless I feel that way? But if I push too hard and it feels painful, will I ever want to try again? Or will it be burned into my mind as a chore? The thing I am so tired of lately is feeling like it’s my fault. This makes what, the second, or third complex I’m having about friends Ian loves to play with but their moms seem like flakes? Or else it’s me. Because, I can’t, for the life of me, get them to commit to play dates and plans and FUN, you know, for our kids. I may not want to sit down with you, either, and drink wine and hash out what’s really on my mind, but hey, if my kid is head over heels about trucks when it comes to playing with your kid, I will become that annoying mom who presses for playtime outside of the preschool. Do the courteous thing and decline, but don’t ignore and make busy excuses to me. I get it. Just make it clear. I’m not a mind reader for goodness sake.
I’m not sure I feel better, but at least I put my English major skills to use this morning and didn’t have to have anyone review this first. So nice to make a decision and do something at almost 32 years old without permission. Gasp! It’s like being the adult I thought I was!