Friends of past

What binds us to friends of past and why is it that one feels guilt when the emotion is not truly genuine any more? That talking becomes a chore, that laughing becomes forced? What is it that changes the friends you once used to know and laugh easily with? How can a sacred bond of closeness float away?

People do change and that is one way to explain how friends are no longer close, no longer true, but I wonder if there isn’t more of a reason. Are we too “busy”–no time to set aside to have dinner, coffee, wine, see one another’s home, meet their S.O.? What is it?

There are so many people who enter our lives and then leave. It’s those who visit longer that we call friends.

I like to think that milestones in life bring to fruition those very feelings: who is close? Who can you count on? When I’m down and my husband isn’t there, who will I call? Who will pick up? Who will call back? Who remembers? Who has been there?

Lately, especially when it came time to plan my wedding, I had to think hard about who to include, who to exclude–who was “close” enough to be invited. And it was hard. What were my reasons for inviting one coworker over another? Why was my boss invited but not a college friend who spent many a night crying, laughing, remembering with me?

And the past memories were there to remind me. This is what I should do. This is what I am supposed to do.

You’re limited, I think, when you reach a certain age about the people you meet and who you will befriend. And it gets harder. No more are the classrooms that throw you into a mix of personalities with people your age, no more are the summer camps and late nights of drinking in college. The “friends of friends”…there are coworkers, random encounters, but even then you should have an established friend base.

Looking back I found it easy, especially in college, to find friendships. And now I feel as though I’ve outgrown not only some of those friends, but the ones I had in high school. Sure, I have a few important people that I call friends or best friends. Sometimes I wonder if the past is what makes them golden or if it’s because they’re always there to know me, understand me, and just let me be me.

Driftee

It’s sad when you feel certain people in your life are drifting away. Sometimes you don’t know which fight to fight and which drifter to let go. I find this happening with a few people that I know from various stages of my life. One is a high school friend who I know loves and cares for me and I for her yet I feel that it’s harder to stay connected than it is to remember the memories which remind us why we are friends (or were friends) in the first place.

I know that drifters are a part of life but it upsets me when certain friends drift due to the extreme measures it takes to be included in their schedule, life, circle of friends. It’s even worse when a significant other becomes the focal point of their lives and friends are an after thought.

Drifters and significant others being the focal point of a friend’s life are not new concepts by any means. I deal with the fact that I have been the drifter and not just the driftee and that I, too, have put my friends second when I first started dating bub.

Perhaps I’m more mature, a married woman now; or, perhaps I hold greater the value of friends because I feel that in any of life’s uncertainties you want to feel surrounded by a secure, loving group of people and that the love of one person, though it may feel like it’s all you need, may not be. And do not get me wrong, if I only had the love of my husband, I would most certainly feel lucky–and I do–but I’m just trying to make a point about friends here, so bear with me.

So right about now, anyone who stopped to read this may think: whoa, how depressing. But I just don’t get why friendships fade like this. And in some of the scenarios I’m experiencing now it could very well be that there’s nothing left to say. Or perhaps it’s already been said before.