d-day, due date, or 40 weeks: take your pick

I am currently working from our screened-in front porch. 

Someone next door is doing the nesting behavior I wish I could do (I hear a vacuum) instead of answering emails and attempting to tie loose ends before baby makes an appearance.  But that’s next to impossible seeing as how this job keeps lots in motion and I can’t just draw a line in the sand and say okay, I finished, see you on the other side of three months.  No, instead I keep getting emails from my boss who is away and has been for the better part of the month with the subject line as “If you’re still here…” which is followed by snippets here and there in emails of “No baby yet??!!”

So now that I’ve made it to my due date I feel like I can start to get anxious.  Not that I wasn’t before, but if the baby came before today it would have been considered early and well, I was a late baby and I’m a late person in general.  I don’t believe in early anything : ) So here I am.  On the day that I have spoken about often.

August 22nd.  August 22nd.

My gut still says baby will take its time to come.  And, I do feel that I’ll have to be induced.  I have no idea what I’m in store for.  A co-worker asked me if I was excited yesterday and you see I haven’t let myself be 110% excited.  Why?

Because of the unknown.

This pregnancy has been a time of fear ever since I was unsure I was even pregnant.  I wouldn’t believe the tests.  How could it be? In getting past that, it was the first ultrasound, what many would think is an exciting time.  Instead, our sonographer was cold, all-business, and the words “heart beat is low” still ring in my head at times.  I’m told there is nothing I can do but wait and see what progresses.  So I tend to side on the negative rather than on the positive because somehow that sets me up for feeling less of a failure, less of a shmuck if something were to go wrong.

But the thing is, outside of eating right and taking care of myself overall, I really can’t control what’s going on in there.  In fact, I should save up all the energy and fear for when the baby is outside, in the real world, when I can control more.

So I want so badly to tear down the wall I stand so close behind, to say we are ready for you little bug.  And embrace a new life, a new love, a new piece of my heart.

I know, I know, I owe pictures of our mural and our new elephant curtains which came yesterday and are so frigging cute I could pee, as well as what will hopefully be final belly shots.  But the camera is packed neatly away in the hospital bag that will hopefully find use in the near future as I transform into what one would call mom.

So that leaves the cell phone camera.  I’ll get right on it.  More to come, as always.  And thanks to you all for listening and writing with happy labor thoughts!

Love,

itsy bitsy soon to be (?!!) mama

friday

I’m back from our babymoon and glad to be back.  Traveling to London was easy compared to the two flights I took to and from CA, the larger belly, and the fact that I now have no grace when trying to pull on socks and shoes. 

The work event went well.  I saw Pessimistic Redhead for a brief moment.  I felt bad that we couldn’t socialize for longer.  She works at a place I once did and it’s always interesting to see the characters I had daily interaction with, let alone the woman I had to share a hotel room with at one of these events a few years ago.  To think she saw me in my PJ’s and brushing my teeth… Weird! But anyway, it was a good show.  I had lots of energy the first day and felt like roadkill the next, just in time for the relaxation part of the trip–the babymoon!

Bub met me late on Saturday night.  His flights always seem to get delayed which I feel bad about since he’s coming to see me when it happens.  We embarked in our rental car Sunday morning to a yummy brunch place in LA before driving the coast to Santa Barbara.  For anyone planning a wedding and not sure where to have it, I suggest Santa Barbara.  The weather was always a guaranteed A+.  We did have some rain the morning we left, but the consistent sunshine and warm temps were easy to enjoy for the duration of the trip.

We walked around a lot, ate well (ate really, really well one night at the Four Seasons with a complete view of the ocean and saw dolphins!), tried to shop (but I wasn’t feeling it–maybe because I’m wearing a beach ball), and swam.  We swam the most in the heated hotel pool since the breeze kept the beaches cool.

The only downside to Santa Barbara that we noticed? The homelessness.  Bub had read how it’s prevelant in that area but I wondered how different it could be from any other city? From Boston? But it was everywhere.  People who looked like you and me just sitting on benches, on urine-stained streets with signs that they were hungry.  Could they have our dinner leftovers, etc., etc.?

It was a turnoff.  I know homelessness exists.  I know it’s not a perfect world.  I know.  It’s just that it’s something I don’t see most days on my way to work or near where I live, so it’s almost as if I had forgotten that there are people out there who aren’t fortunate.  And it’s sad.

Changing gears to baby jibber jabber, I’m beginning my 29th week of pregnancy today.  I remember when I started my 20’s.  The halfway point.  I remember thinking wow, 30 weeks is far away.  And looky here, looky at what’s happening!

So yeah.  This time thing? Is flying by.  We are in JUNE, people.  I was watching LOST last night (the season finale since I missed it last week) thinking how the peace and quiet I’ll have is soon to be limited.  And how my nightly routine of unwinding, making dinner, catching up with Bub, exercising (ha!), will all change.

And to think that we may be very close to having a first name picked out for at least one sex…

Have lovely weekends! And stay cool if this 90-degree weather is coming to a neighborhood near you!

Looking forward

To seeing Daily Editor tonight; it’s been so long since we hung out!
To a much-needed facial tomorrow…
To fresh guacamole and hopefully a victory from the Pats…
To getting our new chocolate leather chairs on Monday for the living room!
To warm temps in Orlando in nine days…and seeing a good friend there before my work conference.
To chocolate banana waffles we’ll make some time this weekend.
To our housewarming during the long weekend after Valentine’s Day.
To seeing the spring catalogs start arriving.

What are you looking forward to?

Work, eh, and IT’S FRIDAY

My boss asked me if she was being a bitch yesterday as she ran her mouth about a project I’m “managing” whereby I oversee work done by an intern. Yet after the work was completed by said intern? The Boss told me the work I should do as a result of her findings. I know clearly what my job is, lady; I’ve been here for over 2 1/2 years. K? Thanks.

And no, I didn’t confirm her bitchiness.

We have a client meeting this afternoon. And I was torn. I scheduled it because I was encouraged to do meetings on my own; to take initiative. So when I offered for The Boss to come just as a nice gesture to include her since she knows the client? She agreed.

!&?%$!

Sometimes I feel like she can’t let go or thinks I always frigging need her. Maybe it was my fault for inviting her in the first place. But the kicker? When we were preparing for today’s meeting she said something to the extent because you want me there.

Again, $#@!?&!!

I had a dream that Bub drove me to the meeting and we were going to be late (why, I don’t know) and I hadn’t showered–and there was no time to. And before I go to bed each night, I barrette my bangs back; it’s like a cleansing thing for me or something (go with me here) and all I could think of in the dream is how I’m going to have weird hair. Specifically weird bangs.

Anyway. Tonight we’re having friends over to see our house. I’m slightly nervous because Bub had a falling out with one of his friends and it’s a long story–but they’re back on track, but the friend is in real estate and I’m just ready to hear You haven’t painted yet? What have you been doing??

But we’ve been busy, and it’s been a juggling act. Daily Editor is coming by next weekend. Hopefully she’ll see why we like it there so much, paint, or no paint.

Enjoy your weekend lovely blog buds!

Friday in Four

1. We are putting an offer in on a house today; wish us luck! This could be it!

2. Yesterday was my *Friday* as I am off today.

3. I am preparing to return to the place where I laughed so hard it hurt, made so many special friends, learned to love a new part of the state, and read and wrote to my heart’s content and more. It’s Homecoming, and autumn is most beautiful here…

4. The Red Sox will keep it alive for another game tomorrow. Here’s to another win!

Have a great weekend!

Mind Poo

So I have to say I’m sorry that I’ve been lame at posting this week, but work has been kicking my butt. So in honor of it being Friday–yay–I feel compelled to write now–while I have a moment at work (shhh, don’t tell anyone!)…

First, I just have to say that sometimes I love anonymity. One of my contacts at company we closely work with is someone I’ve never met in person. So when I was making plans for Germany next week and thought maybe we could meet and get caught up on business there, I was told that he doesn’t get to travel to those events, much less leave the state of NY where he resides (and works). And he’s like, and I won’t be coming to Boston any time soon since I’m a YANKEES fan. He may as well have told me I was fat for the way in which he said it was like a slap in the face! Then he laughed and so did I and that’s when I said something to the extent of “The Yankees are going down…so watch out!”

That brings us to today with more banter–an obscenely large Yankees logo taking up space in an email much about nothing was sent to me. So I decided that even though there was no update on our latest agreement that we’ve been toying back and forth with through legal for months, that I would send a little email his way, throwing in his face that the loss against the Indians was u-g-l-y (you don’t need no alibi, you ugly, you UGLY!)…

And so we just had a nice chuckle on the phone now. In your face, Yank pants!

Moving on.

Bub is away this weekend and there’s a good chance I won’t see him prior to leaving for Frankfurt. Sigh. He’s off to Maine for a kayaking trip with his friends as one of them is getting married in the spring and this is his bachelor party. I’m going to miss him, but there’s lots of laundry and cleaning and packing and shopping (!) to do before I leave so I’ll keep myself busy with that. My parents offered to come over and check out the new kitchen renovations, too.

Hopefully I’ll be able to squeeze Bub goodbye once more before I go. Otherwise, I’ll be counting down the days to when I see him. I know, I’m a sap. But it gets hard when you’re in a routine and then you all of a sudden don’t see your best friend for a long time! A week is a long time!

Finally, the last update is that I started my very first online class. I was skeptical about it and still am, but I wanted to write and be pushed and get my mind moving again, wiping the cobwebs away with homework and lectures and stuff. So last night I had to write and it was hard. And I sat in front of a screen for a while typing and deleting and typing. And I put it out there.

I posted my weaknesses and shared my downfalls, but hopefully there’s a hidden gem in there somewhere. Hopefully something worked and someone will release me of my insecurities or help me through the process so that I can once again feel like a strong writer and someone who can feel that she knows what she is doing. Because there’s been a lot of not knowing lately.

A zit has decided to perch itself on my jawline and it’s soooo bothering me. I think once you’ve survived high school, one should never ever have to deal with these things. And it hurts : (

This weekend I won’t be thinking all about how I have to get up at the ass-crack of dawn for a train to take me to NY. That is quite nice, I must say.

This weekend is the last full weekend Bub and I will spend together before mid-October. Gross, I know. He has a bachelor party next weekend and the day he returns I leave for Germany. There should be a law about things like this, but for the first time ever, I think, I’m actually looking forward to the trip.

It is grueling, tiring, exhausting, nerve-wracking, and utterly difficult to spend so much time within the confines of an ultra-large convention center for which you must take a bus to get from one hall to the next, but the time spent in close confines with your, ahem, colleague also makes it trying. And then there’s the whole working through Saturday and not arriving home and into the arms of your bub until Sunday afternoon which makes it all the more depressing.

But the Europeans? They know about work. Sure, the smoke clouds you have to cut through as you walk in your super cute outfits while everyone is bustling around isn’t glam or nose-friendly, but the drinking which commences as early as say, 10am, or the cocktail parties and treats being passed out at the conclusion of each day are always something to look forward to. I mean, how many times have you gone to a meeting and been asked for coffee or water? Here they ask if white or red suffices or perhaps some fizzy water! How adventurous! And you bet I don’t think twice about what to drink while ordering in front of the colleague. No way. This is work, people. And it all comes with the package.

Surely there are other fun things to do besides looking forward to the drinks of choice at this event. Yes, sure. The breakfast at our hotel is TDF. The mini baked goods, samplings of meat and cheeses, and then there’s the jelly-sized nutellas that I always scoop up in hopes of having some leftover to bring home.

So now you know that food and drink both excite me…ha.

Then there’s the little market outside of the convention center which has many kiosks of crafts made by the locals. I haven’t been fortunate to find something here before when I’ve shopped, but goodness, that’s because I have my colleague in tote, distracting me from concentrating on all that is glorious.

Finally, there is this feeling of independence and “I did it” while riding the train alone in Germany. This, “this is my job”, feeling. And “I can do anything” emotion. And it feels good. Or perhaps it felt good because I was buzzed at the time and sitting quietly trying to make myself feel better about riding the train alone on a Saturday night while the rest of the world celebrated the end of a work week by, well, not working. But I digress…

So all the work that happens between the TDF breakfast and the drinks and sporadic parties? Well, that’s something to feel good about. Important about. Everyone is excited to share what is new and forthcoming and wonderful. And although I often wish I was on the other side of the meeting table sharing the wealth of information I have, the grass is always greener on the other side, now isn’t it?

Now only if I were solving problems like world peace or something, then I’d be all set.

Happy Friday, peeps.
+++P.S. Is anyone watching this? If so, thoughts??

The weekend has finally come

There is something about short work-weeks that make it seem even longer to get to the weekend.

I’ve just arrived home with the promise of a weekend not fully booked. Of course, the time gets eaten up by something, whether it be have-to-do’s or should-do’s or a few fun things that steal the time.

I’m still on a Harry Potter kick and I had hoped that the books I ordered earlier this week would have arrived by now. There are plenty of other things I could read, including the book Bub really wants me to, but for some reason I can’t get into it just yet. I fear I’ll forget what I need to know about Harry in order to continue onto the next part of the story. Silly, I know.

I’ve been telling people today to brave the heat and stay cool. Although summer is only here until later this month (sadly), after Labor Day I take a double-take at the clothes and shoes people don because, well, it’s not summer officially in my book unless it’s the months of June, July, and August.

I’ll miss the heat, the sigh of relief that I breathe upon leaving the office as I thaw from the generic, stale air-conditioning which leaves a film of morgue proportions on my skin and changes my fingers to a pale purple (it is true).

But with fall comes mystery. As we prepare to step out into chillier nights and darker skies after long days in front of the screen’s glow, I recall the fall and all its promise when at college. Pledging for the sorority, blindfolds, drinking from cheap wine bottles while screaming the fight song.

The same crisp air stays with me well into the autumn and early winter seasons. But when winter comes hard, the mystery is gone. All that’s left is shivering, bone-chilling, discomfort.

And sometimes snow.

My Chihuahua* Bites!

Bub’s birthday is tomorrow and I’m excited because I’ve finally decided what I’ll be making him. No pineapple upside down cakes like last year (although tasty). Bub weighs in on what he wants. It came down to German Chocolate Cake and some Chocolate Chip Sour Cream cake number. Although he hasn’t outright said it, I think he’s more interested in the German Chocolate Cake. And since it’s not my birthday, I haven’t said either way what I’d prefer to make, but I vote for German Chocolate Cake, too. The thing is, the recipe I’m using is from Magnolia’s Bakery cookbook, a gift from a long-lost friend (who again is now lost) who gave it to me at my bridal shower. So far, other recipes in the book haven’t let me down aside from weighing me down with the fat and fat and fat that the recipes often call for (buttermilk, butter, etc.). Anywho.

I went to the grocery store in hopes of getting what I needed for said cake, but should have planned ahead because I couldn’t recall what we already had in the house. That on top of the fact that we’re in desperate need of regular non-cake related items had me thinking that it’s not to be avoided; I’ll need to go to the grocery store in the early a.m., hopefully after or before a trip to the gym since hi, I haven’t been in almost three weeks. EEEEEEK. Feeling guilty? Scarily, no. I’m making up for it by not eating much and having wine for dinner.

I digress.

Since my lunch plan to go get groceries failed, I hit Starbucks for a piece of reduced-fat coffee cake and an iced non-fat latte (can’t they just say “skim latte”?) for lunch. Then I fit in a trip to a nail place literally 2 seconds from my office to get a polish change for my toes.

I had heard good things about the place or mostly non-bad things about it from my co-workers. I just wanted the quick change because my French pedi had gone to hell and I was wearing sandals (because it’s a bazillion degrees out) and would be tomorrow and my toes were scary. I have this thing about wearing sandals when toes are not in at least “good” condition, if not freshly painted and in excellent shape. I know, I’m a high-maintenance nails person or H-MNP. So I went and picked out my color and marveled at how I’m so great to fit this into my lunch hour and was not paying a ton for fancy shmancy pedi (if I had more time, I probably would have just had the whole kit and caboodle).

I digress.

So Mr. Polish takes me down to a chair to change my French into My Chihuahua Bites! when I saw three little girls sitting in chairs all having just finished with their pedis.

By the time I got done and went to dry my toes, the three girls had migrated over to the drying area too, and I came to sit across one of the blonde girls. They couldn’t have been more than 10. Not triplets, but maybe. Their mother was getting a French manicure. She was very good with them, keeping her eye on things while chatting up another Mr. Polish.

The little girl who sat across from me made eye contact so I smiled. I couldn’t see her mouth because she was so short, but she smiled back at least with her eyes. After they were done drying, they were wandering around, waiting for mom. The girl who had sat across from me looked like she might be a cheerleader when she was older. Cute little yellow skirt with matching tank top. Long straight blonde hair and bangs. She loved to have fun; it was apparent.

Another girl had the curly-crazy blonde hair. She might be the tom-boy, sporty girl. She had on her cute little girl clothes and big girl sandals. They really were big girl because they looked like hand-me-downs that had been worn a little but ones which she had not yet grown into. Being a little wild-child (I’m not sure she was, but from appearance, I think she could be), I don’t think she cared what she looked like.

Then there was the third girl. AKA the girl who resembled me. Short bob ‘do. A bit haute couture for a girl that age (not that I was haute couture, but I was the girl who had short hair at that age out of my friends and sister, although brunette) and then she turns and yes, the glasses. She was the only one of the three with the glasses. She was wearing what I would have worn: Birkenstock sandals just like Mom bought me and jean shorts. From what I witnessed, she was quieter and more withdrawn.

I wondered at what age the woman had her kids. She seemed happy, not that old, and really with it as a parent. She was already figuring out with one of her kids what her daughter would wear on Halloween and telling her not to stress; she had a couple of months! It was still August!

And I was jealous of this mom who could go get her nails done with her girls. Another summer Friday, another day carrying on. Being a parent. No cares about MFA’s, work, not going to the gym…

I finished first. My toes were done and I had to be back to work (so that I could write this post) and that family could be left to their own devices. Swimming pools, sunshine, growing up together.

*No, I don’t have a chihuahua.

The Office

People, life is grand. I awaited the very moment when I could type this post from the surrounding silence that is my office.

Yes, I’m in my brand new office. Well, it’s not quite brand new as it was an office for the person who used it before me, but let me tell you that this is such an accomplishment for me. If only a promotion or even a raise accompanied such a move, it would be perfect. You never know.

You see, when I started working here just a little over two years ago, I was pleasantly surprised to learn that we would receive our own laptop to be upgraded every so often so as to stay on track with the latest models. I was so excited by this as that that begged the question: can I work from home and not come into the office? I can take this wherever I wish and yada, yada, yada.

Then I was shown where I was to work with my shiny new laptop and I was so anxious to see which office I would get as the whole department was a series of window and windowless separations for hard work and conference calls. Except, I was lead down a hall to a table similar to ones used for a bake sale. A few office supplies sat and a chair was nearby, too.

The conditions were not even up to par for a temp or intern; what the hell was going on?

Little did I remember of the small talk I made during one of my interviews. It came back to me: renovations, new offices, and furniture. Moving to another area. Yada, yada, yada.

We moved to a series of cubes while the renovation took place. And the bottom line? I was given a cube in a sea of offices. Sure, there were other cubes around in other departments. And three. Not one, but THREE offices were vacant for at least six months in our department as I was told no, these were for managers–more senior level people. Um, my title has manager in it.

So my boss tells me that she’s doing what she can to get me an office (this is after I’ve been in the cube well over a year). Great. Where was she going to stick me now that there were no vacant offices? I had just as many conference calls as her which was fun when I was trying to hear and had everyone communing in the hall (right by my DESK) to chat about the upcoming weekend, Red Sox game, you name it. So that all ended quickly; I soon took all important scheduled calls to the (you guessed it) conference room.

But then something happened! We acquired another company. Changes. And I hear that someone is going to switch their job within the company and be working remotely permanently.

That was leaked to me two months ago. After a ton of “When do you think you’ll be moving your stuff out?” I’m now here. Finally.

And now it’s me who can shut it all out: conference calls other people are on, my boss beckoning me to come into her office, people socializing, with a turn of the knob and the closing of my door.

Happy Friday.