Trying to feel

I’ve been asked more and more about my excitement about the event that will occur in just 4 days. And more and more I feel forced about what I reply with: Yeah! Of course! Very excited! And by replying with these words, I’ve lost sight of how I really feel.

But I’m not feeling anything except for what I have left to do, how I should feel, and I’m getting worried that I’m not excited enough at this very moment.

Bub tells me it will come and don’t get me wrong, I get these bursts of excitement when I’m in my car and I just sort of yell. Or I’ll be sitting at my desk and think I’M GETTING MARRIED!

I guess I don’t believe it. I guess I’ve been waiting so long and trying to remedy my lines that I haven’t had time to think that there’s a whole weekend coming up.

I’ll be ready for it. I promise!

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