Thank God it’s Friday tomorrow.

I had a phone interview tonight and honestly, I’m so tired of shaping and selling myself to people, trying to fit myself into a mold of perfection for any given opportunity. I’m tired and no, I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. That was the interviewer’s ONE of TWO questions he asked me. He also told me his age, how old his youngest daughter was and my brain, as dense as it can be, made me think: Is this going to be another one of those jobs I have where it closes down in two seconds and therefore my cover letter to new, prospective employers will need to have not one but two “built-in” ways of explaining in as few words as possible that I can hold–and keep–a job, but that it’s the damn city of Boston that doesn’t know how to keep their leases low enough so that little book publishing operations can survive?

I doubted my skills on the phone. “Well, I’m not sure I’m hearing that you can DO this?” I’m like come on! I’m 5 years out of school and I’ve breathed on more children’s books than edited them. I’m told the fact that they’re kids books doesn’t matter–what about my editing in general??? Um, if you’re a kids publisher, I think kids books and editing them matters. I don’t want to be wishy-washy, but I don’t want to lie. I just want to be. Me. And I’m so wrapped up in what I think people are going to think or did or do think of my skills that I don’t know what the truth is. And therefore, I can’t project it. Not without a few drinks anyway. Just kidding. What if they read this? What if they find this post??

I have an in-person interview on Monday. Black suit: be ready.


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