I bought a new headband among other things while in London. This is my second attempt at wearing it, but it’s hurting my head too damn much. WTF?

My mother did one of her outburts during Dad’s birthday dinner last night. Bub definitely saw it. She was short of starting to curse. Of course, it was over nothing special. She makes me so angry when she consumes too much alcohol. She doesn’t even need it to act this way.

My dad couldn’t even finish his meal. He had to bring the rest home. I know his stomach was turning just thinking about how my mother might carry on. Would she make an even bigger scene?

It’s just not fair. I felt like the parent a little last night. Telling her to knock it off under my breath. Telling her that we’re all waiting to eat because she made a big stink about her meal.

If she only had a mirror, she could see what she’s like. And I hope one day if I act like that–and I’m sure I will or have or am trying to suppress the memory–that Bub pulls out my reflection so that I can see that I’m no longer in control.

I had to turn away from her so many times. I always get stuck sitting next to her. And it’s not that I don’t love her, it’s because she desperately wants the attention and nurturing.

I can’t give it to her like that. I refuse to. So the touching my arm, trying to talk at me, they just don’t work Mom.

You need to stop.


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