a few feelings exposed

We are still battling with the blood in the stool issue (finding a little bit of blood in Ian’s poop that is likely attributed to/a sign of a milk and/or soy allergy) that I wrote about earlier and will not link to because it’s so frigging annoying that we can’t say with certainty what it’s from.  But we’re getting there.

I am not someone who is usually positive, unfortunately, and I’ve become very superstitious.  So, if I say something and it’s a good thing in which I should feel good about, this doesn’t mean that I feel the warm and fuzzy something that is usually attributed to all things good.  Does that even make sense?

For over a month now I haven’t seen blood which is a welcome change and is the longest time frame we’ve had this result since we first started seeing the red stuff, since Ian was two months old.  And for about seven months, we’ve been told this is an allergy, and for me to cut out the world from my diet as I nurse, and to keep nursing.  Next I was told to pump out my brains (milk) five times a day times four weeks while Ian consumes a wet French fry stinking drink that will cause him to lose weight because he fucking hates it.  And then I was told to go back to nursing and see if you can do so with the same intensity (nope) as before.  Next we’re told to try the cake batter smelling vanilla drink that costs eleven billion dollars of which insurance is telling us it’s not medically necessary for Ian to be on… But oh my God, Ian likes the stuff.  And finally, no blood sightings as of late.

But then we go see the GI doctor last week (where I came across as cheerful with the report of no blood sightings) and Ian had to endure yet another rectal exam for which he now gives venomous stares to the doctor as if to say how would you enjoy someone putting a finger up your behind to get poop samples? Just checking.

And yes, so there is blood we cannot see in such a sample.  And so yes, we were solid in our affirmation of doing something further, doing another test.  If Ian has what this test is looking for then surgery will have to correct it. 

How does one stay calm during this? Well, one stays calm because we have sat by for MONTHS as the doctor says he’s 95% sure it’s an allergy.  And I’m all for being positive (but see above to understand how that worked out for me), but if we have Ian on such a controlled diet and for many of those months he was only consuming the very expensive vanilla liquid, then how is it an allergic reaction?

So, my friends, today we found out that the test result is normal.  Ian doesn’t have this structural thing they tested for.  I am ECSTATIC! But we continue to do some head-banging (against the wall, not while rocking out) as to what is causing this red stuff to appear when Ian is happy, gaining weight, and looking like a toddler, not a baby whose bum is a little grouchy. 

Love always,

itsy bitsy mama


4 thoughts on “a few feelings exposed

  1. Geez! What a crazy nightmare ride you guys have been on for the past several months! I’m happy to hear Ian doesn’t have that structural thing they tested for, but at the same time, I can only imagine how very frustrating it is to have NO ANSWER to this problem! Ugh. Sorry for all the head-banging in your future as you continue to try to get to the bottom of all this!

  2. Glad the test is normal. But jeez, I sure wish there was an answer!

    Your head banging comment made me chuckle. Remember those days?

  3. I’m so happy for Ian and you (and Bub) that the test came back normal, but I’m so sorry his issues are still a mystery… I was just telling Aaron last night that one of the hardest things about being a mother is feeling so responsible and protective over our little ones and yet still having the ‘unknown’ lurking out there. I can handle just about anything but I want to know what it is. Hang in there, you are being so strong.

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