is no news really good news?

I don’t think in this case.  Baby hasn’t arrived.  I sit and type this from the extremely air-conditioned office that will no longer be in a mere few weeks (Our office space is downsizing and I get to come back to a cube.  Whatever, I guess I’ll deal.).

I’m making my co-workers nervous.  The jokes about my water breaking here are rolling off my back more easily.  Not that they bothered me before, I just never thought they were that funny.  I welcome the work I have to do as a distraction from the fact that I’m a mere 1cm dilated, which is what I was for about 3 weeks before getting induced with Ian.  And I’m only 25% effaced.  I’m again staring at the same conundrum I was about two years ago with the choice of induction for when I had Ian–do I put it off, do I go for it? In some ways, having been through a pregnancy before makes another pregnancy more scary–you know much more.  You have a pretty good idea as to one way things will go.  Don’t get me wrong, I thought my birth with Ian was, well, not glorious.  No, that’s not the right word, but it was pretty darn good.  No, not the pain or the sewing up later and the mirror that was left out for my viewing…but how the meds for ripening my cervix worked, how my body responded, how I went into labor on my own after that.  How things…progressed.  And how my fear of having a c-section was banished because my body knew what to do.

As long as my baby is born healthy, c-section or not, I’ll be okay.  How could I not be? But given how much I hear about people going early, on their own and then bam, c-section, or people getting induced and then bam, c-section, I wonder just how things have changed since our parents had us and state that they finally birthed us at 43 weeks?

I’m all for caution and care and trusting the place that helped bring my amazing son into this world almost two years ago, but I also know I have the right to question how things will go before it’s too late and the option is just…a c-section.

So  I stare at calendars and at the fact that my due date has changed three times and I wonder how long is too long to wait.  And I scare easily and when I hear the risks of things happening increases after 41 weeks, you can bet your sweet little prego bump that I’m ready to sign up for an induction.

I just hope that it all works out.  I want to trust my body and shouldn’t I after the last go around?

This conundrum has taken over my brain for now as I push the cyst issue that came up at 18 weeks further at bay.  I still worry that somehow that will rear its head even though it’s not visible anymore. 

Can you tell I worry alot?


2 thoughts on “is no news really good news?

  1. Thinking about you so much!!!! This birth is going to be amazing, no matter how it gets started. I can’t wait to see pictures of your new little one.

  2. Oh I know so may choices what is the RIGHT one? Just as Ian came into this world perfectly this little one will as well. How he/she gets here will be the way it is supposed to be. Trust it. I’m remembering those last days and how frustrated I got not knowing!

    Thinking of you every day =)

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